Part Two: Sadness
- Hajera Rahman
- Jun 27, 2020
- 5 min read
7 ways to overcome negative self image: Part 2
Sadness is an emotional pain associated with grief, disappointment, despair and loss. A familiar emotion in negative self- image.
Sadness. This is an emotion that commonly is a response to bereavement, loss of something you enjoy and a change in your environment. The list can go on. Sadness is something many people view as a negative feeling. Sadness is the opposite of happiness. Direct opposite. Some relish in it. Some want to reject the feeling. Some accept sadness and allow it to grow.
So, what is sadness in my perspective? Please know I am not talking about clinical depression (of course- seek professional advice and appropriate help for this). I am only speaking of my own experience. How I overcame the sadness associated with negative self image.
Sadness was something far too familiar to me when it came to self-image. The thoughts I held about myself and what others thought of me. Sadness was a feeling I wanted to avoid. Yet I was drawn to listen to music with heartfelt and painful stories within them. Self-fulfilling prophecy? I enjoyed feeling sad listening to music that gets all those tears out. Haha! I mean cmon, don’t we all feel sad; it makes us human.
You have compassion and care for others. This is good sadness right? You are sad for your friend or family member or something you did not want to experience. You care.
But sometimes sadness can be toxic. For me, Sadness became a friend to me. Something I could place all my energy into.
Of course- my eyes tell the story more than the smile I always gave to others.
Smiling away, helping others feel confident in their own bodies and the ability to see daily how magnificently strong the human body really is. I’m a midwife. It is in every fibre of my body to give women the confidence that their bodies are more than capable in growing a healthy human. It has always been my mission to ensure women had a positive experience of birth (whatever the mode) and recover from birth knowing they will get through it. But I did not practice what I preached for myself.
How did I change my perception of sadness?
After I disassociated and gained perspective of no longer consciously comparing myself to others (see part 1).
Sadness became a friend I would be grateful for. Sadness was no longer toxic to my self image or something I frequently had to face.
How? I embraced the emotions of sadness rather than reject or ignore it. I questioned what was making me feel sad.
Sadness does not occur in isolation. Sadness is linked to something else.
When I felt sad, I soon realised. I was sad because I was missing somebody… I was sad because I had not kept hydrated or slept well from working all night. I was sad because of hormonal imbalances. I was sad because I felt I didn't give enough to that woman and family I so desperately wanted to spend time with. I felt sad because I was too harsh on myself. I was sad because there was deeper reasons for self hatred. I continued to delve and find out why. The true reason. I grew up thinking I should look a certain way; slender, perfect hair and make up. There was a certain look I needed to reach.
Then, I recognised it was nice to have somebody to miss. I recognised I must hydrate and pray more to help with shift work. I recognised God blessed me with a healthy womanly body that I must look after. I recognised that a woman and family did not need me like I needed her. I was exposed to so many different shaped women and honestly I found all my women so beautiful. I saw so many women needed encouragement from me to start loving themselves. All the words I said to them I started believing them for myself. I started to thank myself for feeling sad from a loving place. That I am compassionate, that I needEd to learn to more self-forgiving. I changed it into something else. I tricked my mind so much I didn’t even know I did it. All those reassuring words and comfort I provided to women over the years healed me.
Think of your sadness and relate it back to you. What is it linked to?
My sadness associated with negative self-image. How do I deal with that?
You don’t deal with it. You embrace it. Why do I feel so sad about how I generally look? Why do I feel so sad about how I see myself? Why do I feel so sad about how I feel about myself? (Be specific).
You need to study yourself. Yes. STUDY. We study our whole lives. Some of us it would be academic studies, some study how to do their job, some study how to be the best parents or best spouse. We study everything else and every other role of our being. We all study; no matter how little or how formal. But what about yourself? STUDY YOURSELF.
An exercise to help tackle sadness associated with self image
Question your sadness. By yourself. Write down (just write) no filter. No editing. No importance to grammar/speling (yes I wrote that on purpose).
Exercise:
Write what you feel sad about. You have to face sadness just like you document happy/fun memories through your pictures/videos.
Please see the importance of it. You are worth more than the sadness. There is light within it.
So let me give you an example:
When I started my journey into looking for avenues for financial freedom, I shared it with friends, family and many others. I was so passionate. The feedback was silence, colleagues and friends warning me to stay away from an opportunity I took and you could see how sceptical they were. Did it make me sad? God knows, it used to cripple me. I genuinely would break down worrying what people think of me. I would get sad worrying I have offended somebody kind and lovely because I talked about wanting to create wealth. you see self image isn’t all external reasons.
So I questioned this sadness. I kept questioning it. Not the people around me- remember a blaming mentality must be non-existent. My sadness linked to my worries of peoples’ opinions , worries of offending people and their way of life. Then I realised I shared this with people because I knew I needed to speak my thoughts into existence. How could I be sad about that?
And actually this was all in my head. No one really cared. People are too absorbed in their own lives. It is in our nature to be this way.
So whatever anyone says or thinks, I always go back to:
‘Do I want live life free of worries?'
‘Do I want to sort my own problems out rather than compare my own problems to other peoples?'
‘Do I need to find the reason behind the sadness so I can empower myself?'
Yes. Of course.
So go document your sad feelings and be brave in facing them.
Be with yourself my friend. Be grateful for you.
Commentaires