Grief - the part of life we all experience

Welcome to U.O.U

I left social media for many reasons but the ultimate reason; I was grieving.

I left Instagram and Facebook because frankly I could not make mental space for knowing what my wider connections were up to. When you experience grief, there is no 'right' way of navigating through it. And this was my way.

I am back now and feel I have something to share.

U.O.U is exactly what it says on the tin.

I want to share some techniques and lessons that helped me through my journey of grief specifically the loss of a parent whom I feel the absence of in my life everyday. I am not an expert in grief but I am for my own. I hope some of this will help you like it helped me.

1. Ride the waves of grief

   Accept that no one will understand your grief, the struggles of day to day activities, the lapse of concentration when conversing with others. The lack of conversation about the very person you miss. People are not your space to grieve. You are your space for grief. The waves could feel like they are crashing down on you and you are gasping for air, it could feel gentle and soothing when you think of happy memories you shared with that person, it could even be a static wave that never seems to flow up and down. You feel in a constant state of emotion (whether that is anger, love, sadness or gratefulness etc).

   Allow yourself to feel every stage in whatever time you need.

   

   https://camronsgift.org/blogs/news/the-5-stages-of-grief-understanding-and-coping-with-loss

2. Keep family and friends close

   Spend time with those who love you, you are alive and your heart continues to beat. Let people see you, eat dinner with you or simply sit and do nothing together. Do not isolate yourself because those very people also miss you. They miss you whilst you are missing someone else. Be honest in how you feel and let them know you love them. Life does continue and as harsh as it sounds, the person you lost will be forgotten by others. We are human just like our family/friends are. Do not have high expectations on others to remember and keep grieving because grief is a very personal journey which should hold no judgment.

   
   

   

3. Journal or speak to a professional

   This is HIGHLY important. You must make time to write or speak to someone. Allow your thoughts to flow without any guilt. You must benefit from your own thoughts and feelings. Journalling has no need for structure, just simply sit and write. Do not overthink it nor feel the need to even read it afterwards. You can but you do not have to. But keep it because one day you may want to look back at your past self. You can also speak to a professional, someone out of your social circle, someone who can help facilitate you to dissect your thoughts and grief journey. Find out if your workplace has free counselling services, contact your GP to be referred or even seek a charity that offer services too! You never know the benefits of this until you try.

   
   

   

   
   

4. Keep grounded to your core values and beliefs

   Whoever you are, whatever beliefs you have. Write them down. And put them somewhere easy in your home; the fridge, your bathroom mirror, inside your wardrobe anywhere! To help you, I will use a very short example. Please expand and roll with it!

   
   

   Values/Beliefs: I believe in Allah and his plans, I believe the more good I do in this world, the more it will benefit my beloved Father in the hereafter. My values are self kindness, patience and authenticity to myself. The grief I feel is coming from a place of love and love is what will get me through this life.

   
   

   

   
   

5. Do not let grief define you, let it be a part of a stronger wiser version of you

   Grief is a continuous journey but not wholly you. It is a part of you that you do carry but you must not let it weigh you down. Let it be a source of strength and personal lessons that you hold. To help you always strive to be a better person everyday and continue to contribute to the world around you.

   Show yourself love and compassion that you also give to others.

   
   

   

   "Two flowers can stand side by side and be in different stages of life"- Hajera Rahman

   
   

Thank you for reading.

Lots of love and prayers,

Hajera xoxo