Part One: How to overcome comparison

7 ways to overcome negative self image- Part 1

Comparison. We compare ourselves to others. Compare ourselves to other women, other men, to our siblings, to our cousins’, compare our romantic and platonic relationships, we even compare our parents to other peoples' parents'.

Why do we do this? We all do it. Some of us do this more than others. Some believe they don’t do it but reality is you do it on a subconscious level. It is a innate, it’s what makes us human. Comparison allow you to evaluate yourself and motivates you to grow. If you are rolling your eyes, thinking 'not everyone compares actually'. Then right now, you have judged me and compared your thinking to mine.

Or you’re either saying ‘OH THANK GOD its not just me’. Whatever you think, I’m grateful you have an opinion. Some people are so unaware of themselves they become numb or close minded to this comparison concept.

This is an exercise I did. So I humbly suggest you give this a go.

Grab a pen/paper or your phone ‘note pad’

Write down 10 things you love about yourself

Write down 10 things you hate about yourself

Tick/type in italics the things you feel people around you have played a part in

Circle/type in bold the things you feel society/social media etc played a part in

Underline/type and underline the things you feel only you are responsible for

Now read on and think back to the exercise every now and again as you read on.

How do you get yourself out of the 'comparing myself to others’ mentality?

Accept you have a ‘BLAMING’ MENTALITY.

Accept you blame everything and everyone for your negative self-image. Accept you blame Social Media. Blame media. Accept you blame your parents, your past, your ‘circumstances’. Accept you have been blaming yourself. Accept accept accept. You’re not the only who has gone through traumas in life. You’re not the only one who struggles to love themselves or look for validity from others or wish you could change something in your life. First step; start accepting rather than blaming. Blame is irrelevant and wasted energy.

You must take responsibility of your own thoughts. Recognise and acknowledge you are the reason for the way you see yourself. So only you can overcome it. Now move away from blame/self-blame to self-awareness.

So I came on off on off on off social media for a numerous of years thinking this was the solution. ‘Social media/TV makes us young girls feel insecure’ ‘My generation are screwed because of social media’, ‘Social media has ruined how I see myself’. What a load of bullcrap I was saying to myself!

*hint hint * Look back at your list

What helps you find a way to connect with people globally without comparing yourself to 'them'?

STEPS YOU CAN TAKE

1. Face your social media demons.

2. Switch from comparison to celebration

WHAT ARE SOCIAL MEDIA DEMONS? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

Now Tell me, what is the first you do when you wake up? Do you wake up first thing to reach for your phone and during those hazy moments you click on a social media app or your messages? (I know a lot of us do it!!! Do not kid yourself!)

You do this?

You have social media demons or an obsession with what people are up to.

So… I suggest you try this.

Delete the social media apps, mute messages and give yourself a quit date to stay off social media and checking messages first thing in the morning. I promise this really works. This is only temporary. You are an addict to what other people are doing. (You must look at it like an addiction).
Tell a friend, partner, an accountability partner, anyone you know.

So now, those hazy moments going from a sleeping state to waking up, you will have no apps to click on your screen. Your fingers will subconsciously will move towards something to click on. Muscle memory. But don't worry, it happened to me too.

So try this below- I dare you.

‘I quit social media until…’ *insert date* (1 month from today).

And keep it on your bedroom wall. Or your mirror. Or your car dashboard. Somewhere you can’t ignore it and you see it everyday.

Watch what you learn about your self-image as the weeks go by.

WEEK BY WEEK THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME

Week 1: Every morning for 7 days. I reached for my phone convincing myself I was just ‘checking’ the time. Every morning; my heart beat faster, I felt uneasy but I ignored that feeling. Kept my apps deleted and messages remained muted.

Week 2: Left my phone tucked under my pillow and when I woke up I put an alarm on for 30 minutes time to remind me to help me not check my phone. This is what kept me disciplined.

Week 3: Stopped setting a 30 minute alarm, and I checked my phone for any messages after my morning routine. Time became an activity-based concept. I started to guess what the time will be when I eventually checked my phone. I enjoyed playing this lame game with myself. I was never late to work- I would be ready pretty much the same time every morning. I even started feeling quite smug with myself. The heightened anxiety was non-existent. You will feel the same.

Week 4: I continued. My first action in the mornings went from checking my phone to praying, dancing to music, meditating or doing whatever I wanted to do to get my day started. My body/mind no longer felt a need to connect with the rest of the world to start my day.

You feel free. You feel ready for the day. You feel sure of yourself.

So what the hell does this have to do with comparison?

So doing this exercise, it wakens you up to yourself. To what makes you happy or relaxed. You create a positive state of mind before even speaking to or communicating with anyone.

The start of your day is all about you. The morning becomes yours and only yours.

When you are so sucked into the world of social media, instant messages and what people are up to, you can easily fall into a poor mentality of comparing yourself to others. It can become damaging. The world is fast paced, everything is accessible with one touch and we all are at higher likelihood of falling into the self-sabotage/negative self-image that little bit quicker. We are far more exposed than generations before us to how others are living and behaving.

How do you stop comparing yourself to others in every aspect of life?

You don't stop comparing. You switch it.

Switch it from comparison to celebration.

Purposely excessively start celebrating others like it is you (just go with it and amuse yourself please!), the women or men you find more beautiful/handsome, smarter and more ‘successful’ than you. Pretend you are as beautiful, as smart and as ‘successful’ as them. The men you find more handsome, slick and more ‘successful’ than you; celebrate them.

Because when you celebrate them, the focus moves from what you do not have to then appreciating the qualities and attributes others have. You became more aware of the ‘in betweens’. You started thinking about the ‘in betweens’ of what you see in others.

In betweens are the things people do not see or understand at face value. Your awareness increases in seeing the pain in between someone’s smile after they have achieved something, in seeing the happiness in between someone’s tears and you will develop a knack in bringing the pain, happiness and best out of people.

So start looking for the stories within the stories. Ask questions to people you know. ‘What makes you happy? What makes you tired? What is it that is making you feel anxious or worried? What is it that is making you question yourself?’ Start speaking to people differently. The real you starts meeting the real them. It is wonderful when raw honesty occurs. When you are courageous enough to do this you end up facing your inner self and now nothing and no one in this world can break you. By asking such questions to people around you, you are self-reflecting without even thinking about it. There is a lot of power in listening to others. Because you realise you are not the only one working on self image.

You will notice when you speak to people in person or even an online chat, you connect on a more personal, deeper level. Not just a ‘like’ or ‘comment’. You have so much more enjoyment in interactions with people. People respond with an open heart and no fear of judgement.

So I humbly request for you to do this exercise again.

Grab a pen/paper or your phone

Write down 10 things you love about yourself

Write down 10 things you hate about yourself

Tick/type in italics the things you feel people around you have played a part in

Circle/type in bold the things you feel social media played a part in

Underline/type and Underline the things you feel only you are responsible for

Now go compare this to the previous exercise.

Face your demons.

Switch from comparison to celebration

Only you can be you. Look and compete only with you. Find you. Protect your morning and be with yourself before you go check what others are up to. Study the real you. The child in you. Your little mind that believed you can do anything you put your mind to. And never ever let that child in you go. Your inner child brings that spring in your step and your love for life.

Celebrate others and in turn you will celebrate yourself

#7waystoovercomenegativeselfimage

#NeverForgetHowWildlyCapableYouAre